I am sure most all of you have them, Cell phones I mean. Most of you have probably never considered trying cell phone games. After all, you’ve seen the crap they shovel out on the GBA (and before it the GBC). Why would you even think for a moment that something of worthwhile value might have been released on a cell phone? Today I am going to try to convince that you should reconsider that notion by talking about a game recently available for most cell phones, Bonk’s Return.
(NOTE: The following review was done with a Samsung A870 Cell phone, but the game is available for a wide range of models.)
BONK’S RETURN
After a very long time out of the limelight, Bonk is back. Most of you have probably not seen Bonk since the 16-bit era, and the rest of you probably haven’t seen him at all (or perhaps even heard of him). Created by Hudson, Bonk (or B.C. Kid if you’re in Europe) was for a while the unofficial mascot of the Turbo-Grafix 16. His new adventure tries in no ways to reinvent the game play that Bonk thrived on back then, and thus is very old school. For many of you, this is just the way you like it.
Everything is classic style, except for the controls that is. A Cell phone does not exactly have the best setup for playing a videogame, but the developers of this Cell phone game (Two Tribes) managed to find a solution that was both intuitive and responsive. Buttons 1 through 3 make Bonk jump, the direction of the jump being determined by which button you press and how long you hold the button. Button 4 and 6 make you walk left and right accordingly. The 5 button makes Bonk head butt enemies while walking, or go into a head dive while jumping. Pushing it repeatedly while falling will slow down your descent, this is important and I will touch upon it again later.
Anyways, the deal is that the Evil King Drool has once again captured Princess Za. Why do anthropomorphic talking lizards always have to capture princesses? No one really knows, but they just do (or more like all they ever do). Bonk isn’t going to let this slide as “No one takes women from my turf! NOBODY!!!” The dialogue continues like this throughout whenever Bonk and the Evil King Drool talk between level sections. You’ll either laugh at how cheesy it is, or just flat out skip it. Back to the point at hand, with Princess Za captured Bonk takes it upon himself to travel across 19 levels to catch up with the Evil King Drool and get her back. Along the way he will travel through the jungle, through the mountains, through an arctic wasteland, through the jungle again, ending it all by plumbing the depths of a Volcano where you will you with literally butt-heads with the evil lizard.
To accomplish this task you, as Bonk ,will have to complete a variety of well executed classic gaming mainstays. This means you will jump from platform to platform, avoiding or destroying any minion of King Drool that gets in your way. Occasionally you will find meat that turns Bonk into Angry Bonk With Attitude, during this state pounding the ground with your head will freeze enemies in their tracks. This is useful for, but not necessary, for when you need to jump onto a small ledge that has an enemy patrolling it. Lastly you can climb some cliff faces with, and I am not making this up, your teeth. Bonk’s dentist must have a heart attack every time the little cave boy with oversized noggin show in for a checkup.
Those who explore every nook and cranny will be rewarded with valuable fruits (heals half a heart), heart containers (adds a heart to your life total and restores a whole heart), and Bonk heads (which add an extra life). Out of the way exploration will be important as Bonk’s health does not refill between levels and it is nearly impossible to never get hit. Often reaching these out of the way secrets will require the use of the head-butt trick to slow down your descent. There are no pixel perfect jumps in this game, if you’re barely missing a ledge then you’re probably forgetting the head-butt trick to slow down your descent.
The graphics of this game are bright, cartoony, and colorful. This combination works well on the cell phone screen since I know from personal experience that low contrast images, such as pictures I’ve taken, can often be very heard to look at if you’re not looking at the screen from just the right angle. Ultimately the game manages to look better than the original TG-16 titles, sporting a more true 16-bit appearance than the originals did. While there is no background music, except for during the title screen, there is a suitable accompaniment of sound effects to break up the silence as you quest forth. On a curious note, if you push a button rapidly the tone of the number for that button will start sounding off instead of the game’s sound effects. This will quickly correct itself. I have no way of knowing if this was a bug in the game, or a quirk of my cell phone model. Either way, it did not interfere with my enjoyment of the game.
Once you’ve mastered the game, you can probably finish the entire adventure in about an hour. Thankfully, since this is a Cellophane game, if you quit at any time you will be able to continue later at the beginning of the last level you reached with the lives and health you had at the beginning of the most recent attempt to tackle the level. Odds are you won’t finish it the first time you try as some of the later levels can be truly frustrating (but not artificially difficult). Odds are you will get your 7.99’s worth out of the game by the time you’re done with it (2.99 if you want a copy that will only run for a month).
Once you’ve finished the game there isn’t much left, unless you want to play it through again. I personally have played through twice. Without anything to unlock, whether or not you play through again is based entirely on how much you liked it the first time. You can try for a higher score on repeat playings as it does keep track of your score when you finish the game, but that’s the extent of it. The included mini game challenges listed in the main menu are best left untouched as they are utterly uninteresting and seem tacked on for no good reason.
All in all: I give this 4 Dentist’s Nightmares out of 5.
Revenge is probably the best Bonk overall, although III was pretty cool too
